Who Am I?
There are times when I sit and compare my life to others…I know who I want to be…but why hasn’t it happened yet? Why are other people successful and I’m not? Why does it seem like my life has no purpose?
There are times when I often ask myself these questions and ponder.
Why can’t I just commit and do it? Why am I wasting my life making lists of things to do and then not sticking to them?
After much thought and research I concluded that:
- I am just too lazy
- I am not smart enough
- I don’t actually want to change (this one is hard to swallow)
- I am too scared of what might happen
- I link more pain to the possibility of failing than the potential of success
It’s Up to You
I have spent the past few months reading many books, articles, watching YouTube videos and have decided that regardless of what the reason is….I don’t want to keep living my life the way I currently have.
I have practiced the habit of gratitude and prayer but obviously not consistently. I can’t seem to stick with anything. At least when it comes to building new habits and destroying old ones. I read one of the most helpful and insightful books recently called No Excuses! The Power of Self-Discipline by Brian Tracy.
I Am ME, But I Can Change
The largest key that I am missing in my life is the POWER of self discipline…I capitalized the word power because I feel it truly is a power. A power that I have been lacking and misusing. A power that I am so grateful to have discovered, even at this late stage of life. I cannot express how much I related to the questions and excuses that the author talked about. I felt like he was speaking to me….and not in a good way. I honestly want to change, I know I want to change. It’s just that I am so used to living my mediocre life. Just doing things to get by and not really actually living.
Another key lesson or power I have been learning to embrace is self respect. I can’t stress enough how much you need to learn to respect yourself before asking for respect from others. I feel like I have lost myself after I became a wife. My priorities changed and I lived for my husband. I had this mentality that if I made him happy then I would be happy. I realized that in order to be happy I must be happy, starting with learning to respect myself and living for me. If all you do is listen to the opinion of others and live by their words, you will find yourself in a spiral of confusion, identity crisis and a whole group of other negative feelings. I have recently caught myself in this predicament and am taking steps to make worthy changes. At one point, I felt like I didn’t have a voice or opinion or that anything that I did or said wouldn’t be considered, which it often wasn’t.
Now that I know that the problem lies in my subconscious I am taking active measures to change that first. Here’s to this on going journey of self change and improvement.
It took me awhile to even write this post and get back into the habit of blogging. At first, I told myself it was because I was too busy and uninspired but now I know that those were just excuses that I just used to comfort myself.
So if anything this is my comeback post, I know that if changes are to be made they will be made by me and no one else. If my life turns out a way different than what I intended, regarding things in my control, then I know that it is because of my thoughts and actions that those results are what they are.
I have learned a lot about myself these past few months. I have started to begin the practice of self love. A healthy respect for myself, which I don’t think I truly ever had. Reading and saying these things aloud, make me feel sad and pathetic but the first step is to stop lying to myself and making excuses and blaming others.
I can’t sit back and complain anymore especially if I am just living life and doing nothing. These days have been somewhat exhausting but I know I have to pull through because I have a new reason to live my best life….the best reason and motivator…a baby on the way!
Stay tuned for future posts!
Stay strong and beautiful!